Me – off sick… scrolling through Linkedin – time to connect – tick, tick, add, add
Lay back down
Sit back up
Add, add, add… don’t add (weirdo) add, add, add… Nah (weirdo)
You have 1 new message
(Something in me – that little voice of wisdom – is already trying to block the convo)
Stranger: (in Italian) May I say you have La Bellezza of a woman from the 1960s
Me: Yeah, I should have been born then 😉 (trying to cut short)
Stranger: I’m a director
(I can’t be rude – something in me won’t let me be rude – because of those three stupid words ‘I’m a director’!! So frigging what?! You’re not Jesus. You’re a director – so you think you are a miracle man? “Woooowww”)
Stranger(cre..): You in Rome
Me: Yeah between Rome and Home.
Stranger(cree..): So you’re not Italian?
Stranger(cree..): So you speak good English
Me: (Um yeahhhh it’s my first frigging language!) Yes – mother-tongue
Stranger(creep…): Listen – how about you translate my film and I’ll give you a little present – I’ll give you a little scene in my film!
Me: (F**K OFFFF!!!) Um, I work professionally both as an actress and a translator – If you want to hire me you have to go through the normal procedures: agents.
Stranger(creepy…c): When you gonna take it? (quando prendi?)
Me: (D**K HEAD YOU THINK YOU’RE FUNNY!) Che?
(Quando prendi in Italian can be interpreted as when are you gonna take my d**k!!)
Stranger(creepy…cr):Oops I meant ‘quanto prendi!) hahaha ‘how much’…
I try to side track the conversation. Instincts screaming: back away – back away NOW
Stranger (creepy…cra): HOW MUCH?
Me: I’ll get back to you
Stranger (creepy…craw): HOW MUCH? HOW MUCH?
Me: I said I’ll get back to you
Stranger (creepy…crawl): HOW MUCH?
Me: I am saying I’ll get back to you.
Stranger: (creepy…crawly): Yeah but HOW MUCH? HOW MUCH? HOW MUCH?
After some more How Much Ping Ponging –
Me: (O MY GOD HAS THIS DUDE GOT MENTAL ISSUES!!) ((I turn off FB))
An hour later
Stranger: (creepy…crawly): Yeah but HOW MUCH?
Unfriend. Block. Cancel. Delete. Cancello.
Note to self: Do not get sick.
Post it: Do not randomly click add.
Memo: Don’t talk to strangers
Reminder: Listen to that inner voice