Ho Ho Ho …. down under (contains strong language & scenes of a sexual nature)


The Bast°°d = incredibly good looking ex soap star

Where = on set (the costume truck – he has his top off:I have my jeans ’round my ankles – there is a flimsy sheet separating us)

Initial reaction = both avoid eye contact, not my type, probs has a BIG EGO

First convo = in a ski-lift (undulating in Pausa)

About = renting his apartment

Seems = pretty normal…wow refreshingly…we click


(1 month later…)

Whatsapp tweet tweet: (The following conversation contains strong language and scenes of a shocking nature)


Bastard: Fuck off

Only 3 persons

Me, m8 and the owner

No persons!

Il nulla!

Back home at 7!

Only 5.30 sleep


(as I mentioned we hate lack of sleep)


Bastard cont: I am very tired


and I need to f**k ur ass you stupid slut!

Where are you ‘Zoccola’ ?


(ignoring the last comments)

Me: Well at least your hunches were right – you shouldn’t have gone.

I had an adventure this morning managgia!

My friend left early

her house is in buco del nulla

I get up tranquillissima

faccio la doccia con calma tutta calma

chiamo un taxi

no taxis

non so dove sono

I have 40 mins to get to work

Bastard: 🙂 (lots of laughing emoticons)

Me: run – find a street

Bastard: 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Me: runnnnnn

Find a busssss


Bastard: 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Me: Find a metro


Bastard: Get google maps

Me: find a taxi

(don’t have wifi)


and make it

just as the boss is leaving


Bastard: 🙂 🙂 🙂

Me: Mi sentivo in un bond film

Today there are 2 Aussies at work – they’re friendly with me

then 3 gatti

Bastard: Nooooooooo

Ask ’em if we can go down under

OZ for life!!!

Me: Yes I told them!

Bastard: Let’s go der



Me: haha – Io devo risparmiare x un viaggio in OZ

but I wanna go there

Bastard: Der we can work

No problem



And stuff



(I push the button ignore in brain)

Me: Such a criminal mind!!!!!

Bastard: Certo che si può’ lavorare in un farm

Ottimo and contemporaneamente

Prostitution and….


Me: No d**k head

No prostitution


Questa storia della prozzis mi finisce!

I’ll stay on the farm and marry a farmer

Bastard: Me gigolo fo men

You in a farm

(did he just say for men????)

Me: Gigolo for men?

Bastard: Yes men and women


Me: (Worried emoticons)

Bastard: $ Bitch

Me: Va beh! It’s your choice – your life!

Bastard: Dai – let’s go der

Me: I’m leaving the country

Bastard: When?

Let me sell my house and let’s go

Me: Why do you wanna go with me? You can go alone and sell your ass alone, no?

Bastard: Cuz your body = $



I have got nothing to do with this

I just mentioned about a farm

You’re the one wanting men and women

I thought you just wanted rich old ladies?

(when we went to the cinema it came out that he would do rich old ladies for $$ I am never quite sure of his sincerity or if he is having me on!)


Bastard: Silly stupid bitch

Me: Now you’re telling me you’ll go with guys too! Bah! Life choices!!!

My choice is a new life!!

Bastard: No ass fo rent

Only my cock

Just to push in

Not to get in

Me play only the man!

Me: Va beh!

Bastard: I only know that you are a slut

And I need to come

At what time you come back?


(I’ve zoned out – switched off – gone away – off to another fairy land far farrrr away from this)


Me: I don’t know if you’re being serious or not?

About the men?

Nothing shocks me anymore – who knows?!


So uomini o no uomini?


Bastard: haahahah no only gals any age or granny no problem til 85!

Me: Fuckkkkk!


He then sent me a porn video I immediately deleted

Bastard: Datz life


Me: Oh my god another Aussie just came in

I think he’s gaio

Bastard: Vaiiiiiiiiii present me him!


Cut conversation – back to work



Note to self: Find a church and go to confession, go to confession, go to confession

Memo: This is just character research

Reminder: delete delete cancel delete

Post it: Things can only get … :-S better!


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