The Bast°°d = incredibly good looking ex soap star
Where = on set (the costume truck – he has his top off:I have my jeans ’round my ankles – there is a flimsy sheet separating us)
Initial reaction = both avoid eye contact, not my type, probs has a BIG EGO
First convo = in a ski-lift (undulating in Pausa)
About = renting his apartment
Seems = pretty normal…wow refreshingly…we click
(1 month later…)
Whatsapp tweet tweet: (The following conversation contains strong language and scenes of a shocking nature)
Bastard: Fuck off
Only 3 persons
Me, m8 and the owner
Back home at 7!
Only 5.30 sleep
(as I mentioned we hate lack of sleep)
Bastard cont: I am very tired
and I need to f**k ur ass you stupid slut!
Where are you ‘Zoccola’ ?
(ignoring the last comments)
Me: Well at least your hunches were right – you shouldn’t have gone.
I had an adventure this morning managgia!
My friend left early
her house is in buco del nulla
I get up tranquillissima
faccio la doccia con calma tutta calma
chiamo un taxi
non so dove sono
I have 40 mins to get to work
Bastard: 🙂 (lots of laughing emoticons)
Me: run – find a street
Bastard: 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Find a busssss
Bastard: 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Me: Find a metro
Bastard: Get google maps
Me: find a taxi
(don’t have wifi)
and make it
just as the boss is leaving
Bastard: 🙂 🙂 🙂
Me: Mi sentivo in un bond film
Today there are 2 Aussies at work – they’re friendly with me
then 3 gatti
Ask ’em if we can go down under
OZ for life!!!
Me: Yes I told them!
Bastard: Let’s go der
Me: haha – Io devo risparmiare x un viaggio in OZ
but I wanna go there
Bastard: Der we can work
(I push the button ignore in brain)
Me: Such a criminal mind!!!!!
Bastard: Certo che si può’ lavorare in un farm
Ottimo and contemporaneamente
Me: No d**k head
Questa storia della prozzis mi finisce!
I’ll stay on the farm and marry a farmer
Bastard: Me gigolo fo men
You in a farm
(did he just say for men????)
Me: Gigolo for men?
Bastard: Yes men and women
Me: (Worried emoticons)
Bastard: $ Bitch
Me: Va beh! It’s your choice – your life!
Bastard: Dai – let’s go der
Me: I’m leaving the country
Let me sell my house and let’s go
Me: Why do you wanna go with me? You can go alone and sell your ass alone, no?
Bastard: Cuz your body = $
I have got nothing to do with this
I just mentioned about a farm
You’re the one wanting men and women
I thought you just wanted rich old ladies?
(when we went to the cinema it came out that he would do rich old ladies for $$ I am never quite sure of his sincerity or if he is having me on!)
Bastard: Silly stupid bitch
Me: Now you’re telling me you’ll go with guys too! Bah! Life choices!!!
My choice is a new life!!
Bastard: No ass fo rent
Only my cock
Just to push in
Not to get in
Me play only the man!
Me: Va beh!
Bastard: I only know that you are a slut
And I need to come
At what time you come back?
(I’ve zoned out – switched off – gone away – off to another fairy land far farrrr away from this)
Me: I don’t know if you’re being serious or not?
About the men?
Nothing shocks me anymore – who knows?!
So uomini o no uomini?
Bastard: haahahah no only gals any age or granny no problem til 85!
He then sent me a porn video I immediately deleted
Bastard: Datz life
Me: Oh my god another Aussie just came in
I think he’s gaio
Bastard: Vaiiiiiiiiii present me him!
Cut conversation – back to work
Note to self: Find a church and go to confession, go to confession, go to confession
Memo: This is just character research
Reminder: delete delete cancel delete
Post it: Things can only get … :-S better!